Tuesday, February 16, 2010

An intentional break...

I'm gonna be honest, again. I am at a point right now where I just don't care. I want to eat what I want to eat, when I want to eat it, without any concern for how it will affect my body. My infection is gone and so a little cheating here and there can't hurt right? Sure...

As I wrote previously, I had been doing some cheating. And then I got myself back on track and was doing well. Until Friday. Friday I CHOSE to put myself on pause with regards to living yeast-free. My husband and I were fortunate enough to be able to go out of town to celebrate Valentine's Day and so I took a little break, even though I knew it would probably be hard for me to get back on it after the holiday. Here it is, Tuesday...and I'm still on pause. And right just don't want to think about it. I don't want to try. I don't want to spend my entire evening planning and cooking and running to the store to get things I need because I don't have them in the house. I am just drained...though I can't really think of a reason or cause. I had a wonderful weekend with my husband and we had a nice Valentine's Day with the kids. Yesterday though I spent the entire day working from home with all four little ones off school, and with the exception of a two hour break, I was BUSY! I didn't even stop working until after 7pm last night. Today was a crazy day too and while we were marketing our company and doing something that was necessary (training some clients on our new website), I lost about 5 hours that I would have normally spent working. By the time we got to the office, there were only 2 hours left before we needed to leave to pick the kids up from extended care, which we are now paying for. And so maybe it's just that work has been so crazy that I feel drained and find myself not caring about anything at all right now.

The kids have been so whiny lately. They've had too many late nights and instead of going to the Y, which I want to do but don't want to get back out to do it, we are putting the kids in bed in about an hour. When they all four start randomly crying at different times for no explicable reason this tells me that they need to sleep. So 7pm they will all be tucked into their beds. My husband has a 7pm meeting at church and that will leave me here (praying the kids go to sleep quickly!) and working more because I didn't get half of the work done today that I needed to.

So I think that all of that has contributed to my complacency. Complacency is probably one of the worst possible places to be. And at the same time, I don't have to think about anything, and as messed up as it is, this brings me some comfort. And if I want to eat a Fudge Shoppe Grasshopper cookie or 2 (or 5), it makes me feel just a little bit better about the chaos that is my life! Sometimes I really wish I were a stay-at-home mom again. Especially when I think about living and cooking and eating yeast-free. All four kids are finally in school and I just think about how much more time I would have to be in the kitchen experimenting and learning what I can eat. Practice not only makes perfect; it also speeds things up. The more you do something, the more proficient and efficient you become at it. When I come home at 6pm, the last thing I want to do is spend the next 2-3 hours cooking.

And so instead of doing what I should, I've just kind of stopped caring. Temporarily. I do take some comfort in the fact that I know it will not last. I WILL get back to eating right. The pounds that have come off are NOT going back on. But if I want to keep my stomach happy and free of cramping and free of growing yeast...then I HAVE to get back on track. I do worry about vacation next month. Am I going to work hard to eat yeast-free the entire time, or am I going to put myself on pause for a week and just enjoy the time with my family without having to THINK? I don't want to think right now. I'm tired of thinking.

So, for anyone reading this, if you're in the same boat as me, know that someone else understands. If you are doing great, keep going!! Don't allow my poor choices to sway you. There have been consequences these last few days - I've felt sick and tired and just everything that generally comes when I have sugar. So don't give up! I haven't given up...I just have not decided yet when I am going to stop being stupid and make the right choices. I'd like to say that starting now, starting tomorrow the poor choices are done. But I'm putting it out there...I cannot honestly say that I will make a significant effort tonight or tomorrow. I don't like to lie and so I won't. Especially here. Living yeast-free is not easy. It's not impossible, but it is, like marriage, one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do. But as I have seen with my husband over the last 10 1/2 years, the benefits far outweigh the struggles!! They do. So if you're new to yeast-free living, don't give up. Don't be discouraged. Be aware though and on guard. Because there will be temptations along the way and you might give in to them. But never, ever give up! Don't be discouraged - use those struggles to grow stronger. Because you will be happier and healthier! Now...if I could just motivate myself to take my own advice!!

Oh and I just need to add something else. WHEN I do jump back on the 'wagon' so to speak, one of the first things I plan to make is Creamy Italian Chicken. This is a favorite in my house that I had almost given up on...because it calls for cream of chicken soup, which has yeast extract in it. But today a fellow yeast-free 'survivor' ;-) posted a recipe for homemade cream of chicken soup that she has adapted to be yeast-free friendly! Here is the link to her page. I know that if you are wanting to live yeast-free you will find much encouragement and strength here on her website-I know I was truly blessed to stumble upon it:

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