Struggling...big surprise

It's been almost a week since I checked in here. I'm contemplating switching backing to writing about my yeast-free journey on my main blog, since I can't seem to keep up with this one as much as the other. It was such a great idea when I was constantly trying new recipes and trying to adapt my lifestyle to eating healthier. I'm just really having a hard time resisting. I've put so many rules on myself, and broken even more rules than I imposed, if that is possible. I've gained about 5 pounds back in the last 2 months and I am NOT happy about it. And yet what do I want to do to make myself feel better (temporarily)? EAT. Good foods. Bad foods. FOOD. I've done a lot of baking lately, because I love it. It is not something that I can give up easily. But when I bake, I have a hard time not eating a whole batch of cookies plus half the cookie dough sampling. I am still doing The Lord's Table, but haven't been diligent about sticking to the meal plan, which I know is making this journey much more difficult than it has to be.

Now I will say that I haven't just made ALL sugary yeast-filled recipes, though there have been 2 batches of chocolate chip cookies, and a pan of butterscotch brownies. I made another batch of yeast-free chocolate cupcakes with a cream cheese icing this time earlier in the week. And today I finally attempted yeast-free No-bake Cookies. Those were good. With one exception. I used Swerve as my sugar alternative. And for whatever reason, while it has zero calories and zero fat, it has a strange effect. This is the third recipe I've tried it in, and each time it's the same thing. Freezing cold. What? Yeah...let me explain. You take a bite and as you chew, your mouth just gets colder and colder. My 7 year old told me today we should call them "Magic No-Bake Cookies". Because, she said, that's what they are...magic! The kids loved the cookies and a few people who sampled them at church tonight liked them as well. But I just can't get used to that coldness in my mouth. It's just weird; unnatural. BUT, if you use a different sugar alternative, or you want just a gluten-free version, here is the recipe. The flavor of these is really great...it was just the cold that was hard to handle. I may try to make them with agave nectar the next time and see if it impacts the texture/consistency much. If I add more oats to them it may help...we'll see.

Gluten-free No Bake Cookies

2 cups sugar (or sugar alternative)

8 tablespoons butter

1/2 cup milk

1/4 cup gluten-free unsweetened cocoa

1/2 cup cashew butter

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 pinch salt

1/2 cup pecans

1/2 cup unsweetened coconut

3 cups gluten-free quick oats

In large saucepan, combine sugar, butter, milk and cocoa. Heat, stirring frequently until boiling. Boil 1-2 minutes; remove from heat and cool 1 minute. Stir in cashew butter, vanilla & salt and mix well. Add oatmeal (and nuts/coconut if desired). Drop by spoonfuls onto parchment paper and let cool until it hardens.

A new recipe-CHOCOLATE CUPCAKES!

I'm back...did you miss me?

I've been so swamped lately. It bugs me. I'm hoping to find a good balance this summer between working from home WITH all four kids, trying some new recipes and keeping up with my house. But let's be realistic. I'll be lucky to do more than manage to work with the four kids here, let alone finish the other things...

Anyway...I love Elana's Pantry. I really do. I haven't had a bad experience yet with her recipes. Granted, I've only tried a handful...but still...

Tonight I decided to try Chocolate Cupcakes. For the icing, as directed on Elana's Pantry, I just mixed 1 cup of heavy cream with 2 Tbsp. agave nectar and whipped it until stiff peaks formed. It tasted like cool whip! This is exciting to me because ever since I started living yeast-free, I haven't been able to find any ice cream or cool whip or the like that doesn't have corn syrup in it. Now I have. It's a great, light taste and texture to go on top of desserts that need just a little bit more moisture.

I really enjoyed the cupcake I ate last night. They were still warm and they were delicious! Before bed I frosted them and put them into the fridge. As far as the kids go, two liked them and two didn't. My son didn't like the icing...he just ate the bottom half of his cupcake. Olivia loved it and wanted more and Katherine ate hers and the top half of Kaleb's. Abbey, well she took a small bite (primarily of the icing I think) and spit it out. So Kris finished hers off. I added strawberries to them to give them some color and just add that great taste that IS strawberries and chocolate!

Next time, I am going to use the icing from the spice muffins (a.k.a. Cinnamon Bun Muffins) with these and I think it will just add that little bit extra to make them taste terrific!

Willpower Wednesday

Tonight was non-traditional, as far as my Willpower Wednesdays go. It was more Wednesday than Willpwoer. It coincided with my Lord's Table meal plan though because tomorrow is a "fast" day. And rather than fasting the entire day tomorrow, I am doing what they suggested and am going from dinner on Wednesday nights to dinner Thursday night. So, I am going to have to rearrange things a bit and probably move Willpower Wednesdays to another night, which will mean I'll have to come up with a new name. I could have still cooked tonight, but it seemed like that might just be setting myself up for failure, you know?

This is short because I'm distracted with last night's AWESOME episode of Glee. I think this is by far my favorite episode yet.

I did do a couple of productive things tonight though. I cleaned up the kitchen. I got a roast ready for dinner tomorrow night. I also made up a batch of lotion trying to perfect it for my giveaway. Are you entered in to my giveaway? It going to be next to nothing HUGE!

What a weekend!

I hate busy weekends. I really do. While the busy ones are usually filled with good things and great friends, they are still busy. My mood didn't change throughout the weekend, except to say that it went up and down. But I mostly felt down and distant and alone. Really, really alone. For no particular reason at all.

I had a difficult time at work today, staying focused and motivated but I made it through. I SHOULD have gone to the Y tonight. I SHOULD have gone to Sam's and the grocery store. But the weather has been so gloomy I just didn't feel like getting back out. I'm hoping that I can get some of those trips made tomorrow night. We shall see...

Today is Day 9 of the Lord's Table. It's the night that the lesson is about the woman at the well (John 4:7-30). This verse in particular I love: "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

The lesson was good tonight. I don't feel 100% yet emotionally, but I feel like I am coming through the other side and am optimistic that I can be free of ALL medications.

Weak and tired

I'm feeling weak lately. I haven't caved and started going wild like I normally do. But I find myself less and less fired up about making the right food choices. I am trying to determine if it has anything to do with not being medicated any more. As of a week ago, I stopped taking ALL medication, including my anti-depressant. I would really like to live without it. I'd like to be able to function without it. I hate taking it and that I "need" it. I'll give it another couple of weeks and if I am not feeling better, I'll go back to my doctor. But I'd really like to survive without it.

Anyway...I'm still going through The Lord's Table. I think today is going to be day 7, no 8 I guess. I'm still eating *mostly* yeast-free, but I find that I have absolutely NO motivation to clean or cook or do laundry. This is NOT good, but I had little motivation to do those things before I went off of my medicine anyway.

Hopefully I can shake this off and get to feeling better soon.

Anyone have any suggestions for what I should try this week for Willpower Wednesday? Oh and remember that lotion I made during my second Willpower Wednesday? Over on my other blog I am giving away an 8oz. bottle of it. If you'd like to enter the giveaway, go here.

The Lord's Table - Day 5

OH MY GOSH! THE CINNAMON BUN MUFFINS (see previous post) WERE A HUGE HIT!! They were all gone by 8am this morning! The kids and my husband loved them. I doubled the recipe, put less into each cupcake liner and got 24 out of it tonight. Cannot wait to take them to work and trick people into eating something yeast-free that tastes like Betty Crocker!

It isn't my intention to write about each day during my 60 days of 'tasting and seeing that the Lord is good.' So if I miss a day or two writing about it, it isn't because I skipped it or screwed it up! The last couple of days nothing has struck me as something I wanted to share with you. I'm still doing well and excited about giving control back to God and treating this body as His temple.

Something that struck me during day 5 (though I've known it and forget it all the time) was this:

"Food is not the problem; indulging the flesh is."

Ain't that the truth!!! Of course, for me, food is also a problem since an overabundance of yeast-y foods will lead to yeast overgrowth for me, but I like the thought behind this. They were talking about all the things we are told NOT to eat. But instead of focusing on what we should or shouldn't eat, we should be focusing on God, and not what the flesh wants.

Willpower Wednesday

Tonight was a bit crazy. I had very little time but was determined to make SOMETHING. Anything. I committed to myself, and to those of you following this little journey, that Wednesdays I would summon the Willpower and accomplish something besides just sitting at the computer all night, complaining about how I never have time to cook yeast-free.

We didn't get home until about 9pm tonight. I worked quickly in order to get my kitchen cleaned. After all, a clean kitchen makes a happy chef! At least, in my house it does. Before I could get started I had to make the kitchen look like this:

I love this little sign. I keep it on my sink. It really speaks to me, from the depths of who I am. I am what you would call a procrastinator and so this sign is very fitting for me, and the kitchen seemed like the most natural room for it.

I also got to test out my new apron, the one I earned for free. I am highly motivated when it comes to aprons. Like fabric, aprons are things that I could just collect. I could just buy the cute ones whenever I had a chance and hoard them, sometimes never using them. It's an addiction. I am the same way with fabric for quilts/blankets and scrap-booking supplies as well.

But I suppose instead of just showing you meaningless (to you) pictures, I should talk about what I did tonight. I kept it simple, yet tried a recipe I have been wanting to try since December. Let me start by saying that I LOVE Elana's Pantry. I discovered this website back in October when I first began my yeast-free journey. It is there that I discovered and fell in love with Coconut Macaroons. This isn't the first time I have talked about Elana's Pantry. While I would love to be *that* person that comes up with the best yeast-free recipes that also happen to taste great, I am just not. Not yet anyway. So I rely on Elana to help me get through the times when I am actually living yeast-free. I don't yet own The Gluten-Free Almond Flour Cookbook, someday I hope to. Until then, I will keep trying her recipes that are posted online.

I am so glad I went back to one of her recipes tonight. I decided that I would try the Cinnamon Bun Muffins and Creamy Cream Cheese Frosting. I have been wanting to give these a whirl since she first posted the recipe and I just now got around to it...5 months later! I was NOT disappointed. While I can't say I thought these tasted like Cinnamon Rolls/Buns, they were GOOD. I didn't want to wait the two hours for the muffins to cool in order to frost one, so I cut one in half and drizzled the frosting over it. It was delicious! While it didn't taste like my favorite Pillsbury cinnamon rolls (nor did I expect it to!), it tasted (to me) just like a really good, moist, sweet Carrot Cake! Cream Cheese Frosting and all.

My next task is to see how well they will freeze, both with and without the icing. I want to see if one does better than the other and whether or not I can thaw them out for a quick and easy breakfast, like I did with the Cinnamon Apple Muffins. For tonight, I will put two of them (iced) in the fridge and see how it goes. I'm also going to be interested to see how long the icing will keep in the refrigerator. It could really go on so many different things. Overall, besides tasting great, the recipes were extremely easy to make!! Thanks once again Elana for creating a truly wonderful gluten-free, sugar-free experience! Oh, here is how my muffins looked both before and after baking.

Before:

After:

Lord's Table - Day 2

One of the opening verses in tonight's lesson really got me thinking:

Ecclesiastes 6:7 - "All man's efforts are for his mouth, yet his appetite is never satisfied."

ISN'T THAT THE TRUTH????

I really liked this quote:

"Food is not designed to satisfy the heart, but rather to provide nutrition to the body."

How often I live quite the opposite. I eat in an effort to satisfy my heart. This will ALWAYS lead to failure. God is the only One who can truly satisfy my heart. It doesn't matter how much or how good that chocolate cake is. It isn't going to give me the satisfaction that I am really longing for.

Today is a half day. All meals, cut in half. I had one (instead of two) Apple Cinnamon Muffins for breakfast. I ate half a can of vegetable soup (I'd normally eat the whole can). At my trip to Whole Foods I bought more of my favorite Nut Thins and picked up some top sirloin steak to make for Kris and I. I bought a pound. I cooked 2/3 of it for Kris and 1/3 for me. Normally I'd chow down on the whole 8 oz. myself but gave Kris more so as I control myself. It was REALLY good; and I found a great gluten-free, agave nectar sweetened Sweet Teriyaki Marinade. I put those on the grill and finished the day off that way.

I have a horrible migraine tonight. I'm hoping to fall asleep EASILY tonight. I took a Xanax and Melatonin. I don't like taking these every day but I haven't slept in at least the last2 nights.

There's not really much more to say. I'm spacey and my head is throbbling. Hope everyone has a great evening!

Lord's Table - Day 1

I just finished lesson 1 of the Lord's Table. True to my word, I began the 60 day online course tonight. It is what God was urging me to do and I am ready. I know that Satan will attack. It's what he does. Especially when God's people strive to change their complacent behavior in an effort to grow in their relationship with Him.

The lesson was short tonight but two things stood out to me and I thought that this would be a good place for me to journal some of those thoughts. If you aren't into the whole "religion" scene, feel free to skip over these posts, though you are MORE than welcome to share in this journey with me. God loves all of us...even the failures like me who struggle second to second to live my life to glorify Him. And believe me...FOOD is not the only area of my life that I surrender and then "un-surrender" to God. Romans 8:38 says:

³⁸ And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. ³⁹ No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

--New Living Translation

My friends, that verse does not just apply to ME. Or just Christians. It applies to each and every person reading this. It doesn't matter who you are or what you've done. NOTHING can separate you from God's love.

The first thing that struck me in tonight's lesson was something well-known to me but rarely seen in my life. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there really is freedom. Freedom from bondage and sin. I have experienced this freedom at different times in my life, and I have gone too long living in sin and an addiction to food. The 60 day course isn't going to be easy, and it's not a quick solution to a problem that I have deep in my heart. But I'm trying and I think that God will honor that. It's the hardest thing to do, but here and now I am trying to give back to God that which I always take away from him. Control. Control over my food choices, control over my life, and control over my heart. For too long I have sat back and watched from the sidelines. I've gone through church and praying with my kids, and all the other "Christian" things. It's time I put my faith into action and for me, it's starts with food and how I view it and abuse my body by what or how much I put into it.

I'm not perfect (AS YOU HAVE ALL SEEN!!) but I've been complacent for too long. No wonder I can't seem to stay strong and make the right yeast-free choices. It's because my focus has been on me and what I can do in my own strength. Well you know what?? I can do NOTHING in my own strength. It is only by God's strength and power that I can fight this battle and win!

I just flipped back now to look up something on the recommended eating plan and saw something I thought was profound and something I have never heard before. What are your thoughts on this:

"Once an addict always an addict?" Not according to God's Word!

There is a link for "not according to God's Word!" that points to 1 Corinthians 6:9-11:

⁹Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders ¹⁰nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. ¹¹And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Something interesting to note about this program is the meal/menu plan. I am going to try to stick to this; I have done it in the past and so I know that I can do it again. I am hoping to also combine this whenever possible with yeast-free meals. The reason behind this suggested (but not required) meal plan is to help you begin to control what and how much you are putting into your mouth and trusting God to give you the strength to deprive yourself on the days when you are more limited. Each week you have:

2 half days - three meals with the portions divided in half

2 liquid days - one regular solid meal and liquids throughout the rest of the day

2 normal days - without overeating

1 "fast" day - drinking only water for 24 hours, this can be from dinner the evening before to a light meal the evening of the fast

1 Corinthians 10:31 says "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

Friday Confessional

I love Friday Confessional. More because I love reading all the clever and funny confessions...but also because I need some accountability with this whole "failing to eat yeast-free lifestyle" thing and this is a great way to be honest about my failings.

I confess that in the last week I have:

-Eaten WAY more yeast-filled foods than I have in a long time.

-Drank WAY more Diet Dr. Pepper than I have in the whole past 6 months

-Gained four pounds (this has been accomplished over the last month-not just the last week)

-Spent WAY more time writing and reading blogs this week when I should have been working, most of the time while snacking on junk!

This is my cycle. My vicious, crazy, gluttonous cycle! It's time for drastic measures to be taken. Starting Sunday night (after our Mother's Day celebrations of course!) I am putting myself into rehab. Seeing as how I have four kids and a full-time job, I can't go into a typical rehab, plus do they have those for food addicts? Probably.

However, I am going to try something I have done in the past. It isn't about the food either. It's about shifting my focus. I KNOW what I need to eat. I know what I DON'T need to eat. What I struggle with is self-gratification. THIS is what needs to change. Setting Captives Free has a 60-day Bible study/online course called the Lord's Table and I am sentencing myself to 60 days of rehab there. I need to reign myself back in and put the focus back where it belongs: ON GOD!

Twitter Hop Thursday

IF YOU FOLLOW BOTH OF MY BLOGS, SORRY BUT THIS IS A REPEAT FROM MY OTHER BLOG. FEEL FREE TO IGNORE IT. :) UNLESS YOU WANT TO JOIN ME ON TWITTER!



This is new to me and so I'm going to make a confession.

I've never liked Twitter.

In fact, I saw absolutely no point to it, on a personal level. Facebook did what I wanted and was much more sophisticated. Why would I just update my status all the time on Twitter and then do it all over again on Facebook? I even had the two linked at one point, but hated how limited I was...because I talk. A.LOT. 140 characters just wasn't sufficient.

However, with regards to my blog, I get it now! It makes sense to me. And since I have now created a Twitter profile for this blog, I thought I'd go ahead and participate in my first ever Twitter Hop Thursday. If you aren't interested in Twitter or don't care about it, please scroll past this post to get to the "good" stuff. ;) I'm at work so I can't click all the links but I WILL get to it tonight when I get home and follow anyone who is listed below.

Oh and if you are just reading my blog and not participating in the blog hop, but want to follow me on Twitter, I'm #98 in the list. Would love to see you and follow you back!

WILLPOWER WEDNESDAY: Cheesecakes Galore

I again spent the last hour playing with Gimp, trying to come up with the perfect "logo" for my Willpower Wednesday. It keeps getting changed...the logo and the name. I think when I first had the idea, I was going to call it Willpower Wednesdays. Now, I've decided it is should be singular, so henceforth (I LOVE that word!) it shall be known as "willpower wednesday". Completely against my nature, you will now see that I have also decided to drop the capitalization. Maybe it's to be ironic...you know, instead of being lazy on Wednesday nights, I'm choosing to have a little willpower. And yet I can't bother to summon the strength to hold down the shift key!

I did get somewhat creative in the kitchen tonight as promised. And instead of just making ONE cheesecake, I made two. Well, technically the second one isn't quite MADE yet, since it is still baking. Honestly, I don't even remember what all I put in the first one. If I had to guess, I believe it was:

CRUST:

2/3 cup almond flour

2 Tbsp butter, melted

1 Tbsp Swerve (you can use a different sugar alternative, or real sugar)

Once I mixed up the crust I realized that I didn't have quite as much as I would have liked. But I left it as it was, because I only have so much willpower people!

FILLING:

(to the best of my knowledge it was the following)

1 8oz. block of cream cheese

3 eggs (I have a feeling this ratio of cream cheese to egg was NOT a good idea--you'll see why soon)

20 drops Chocolate Stevia Liquid (random number that seemed right)

5 drops Vanilla Creme Stevia Liquid (another random number)

This is how it looked before I baked it:

By the time it finished, THIS is how it looked:

This cheesecake could not decide whether it wanted to be a cheesecake or a meringue! And let me just say that it did not TASTE like cheesecake OR meringue. I KNEW I had put too many eggs in it, and yet I kept putting them in. The top layer tastes more like an omelet. A bittersweet (that would be the stevia), chocolaty, DISGUSTING omelet!! Do you see now why I don't experiment?? Looking at it again now, it certainly does look more like a burnt omelet than anything though doesn't it?

HOWEVER...at the time I didn't know how horrible this egg cake thing would taste, so I thought "Why not do a little more experimenting!" Pumpkin sounded good, so attempt #2 began.

I really would have like to have had more cream cheese. I was down to just one block so I had to think of other things to add in. So here is what I did (or at least what I can remember):

CRUST:

1 1/2 cup almond flour

4 Tbsp butter, melted

3 Tbsp Swerve

This I mixed together in an actual spring form pan. Because my only pie stone was full of a gross fancy omelet and because why not?!?

FILLING:

1 8 oz block of cream cheese, softened

1 15 oz can of pumpkin

1 (1 oz) box sugar-free vanilla pudding (the pudding was added because it needed something more and this is what I had on hand)

1 (1 oz) box sugar-free cheesecake pudding (this flavor was used because I only had one box of vanilla!)

About 1/2 cup milk (I just poured some in because it looked like it needed it-again I am NOT an experimenter!)

1 tsp. Cinnamon Plus Spice Blend (Pampered Chef)

Oh yeah...eggs...again I used 3. What is wrong with me??? Did I learn nothing from my first attempt?

Oops...I almost forgot. At the last minute, even though the batter tasted sweet, I went ahead and added 1/4 cup agave nectar to it.

Are you getting a good picture here of why I need to follow a recipe?

Anyway, I mixed it all together and it LOOKED better.

I baked the cheesecake (both) at 350 degrees for an hour. THIS cheesecake looked a lot better and I really, REALLY hope it turns out. This one I will cool like I am supposed to and then refrigerate it. It isn't technically yeast-free to the extent that some people have to live yeast-free, but it is yeast-free enough for me while I try to get back on track and get a handle on this whole complicated lifestyle. Here is what my finished Pumpkin Cheesecake looked like.

Wait...it doesn't look much different after it's baked does it? But it is. It's really drier on the top than it looks.

I'll report on the taste tomorrow! Here's to hoping...and thanks for joining me tonight!

Another Wednesday, Another Dirty Kitchen

We have been so busy this week that I have wanted nothing more than to just sit down and catch up on some of my favorite blogs tonight. Being "old" to blogging, but very, VERY new to this whole "blog community" I am just now finding out about all the great blogs (not to mention awesome bloggers!) out there. In fact, I've discovered that blogging, while it has always been therapeutic for me, is now also a hobby that I have fallen in love with. I never would have thought that possible. And yet here I am!

You know how I can prove that it has become an obsession and an increasingly enjoyable hobby for me?

I am on Facebook less and less, and am reading and writing more and more. For the mind alone this is a GOOD thing!!! Not to mention how great it is for my well-being, my growing confidence (at least in cooking with unfamiliar ingredients), and my mood. BLOGGING makes me happy. BAKING makes me happy.

BAKING and BLOGGING?

BLISS!

That being said, I've been dreading tonight.

Wait...

...what?

It's partly because I am unprepared. It's partly because I am feeling lazy. But I think it is mostly because my house is messy. Can anyone relate to wanting to sit around and do nothing when you are faced with the daunting task of cleaning??

If I've said it once, I'll say it a thousand time:

I WILL NOT COOK IF MY KITCHEN IS NOT CLEAN.

Fortunately, my husband was gracious enough to unload the dishwasher and load it with the dirty dishes that had been strewn across the house. I still have 3 pans to wash and though they are Pampered Chef (thus translating into being "THE WORLD'S EASIEST TO CLEAN PANS EVER") I still don't want to tackle them. They will literally take 3 minutes, as most. My dining room table is also cluttered with school papers, school lunch items (drink boxes, bags of chips, bananas-all things ready to go into new lunches, not the trash from old ones).

Why can't I be as passionate about cleaning and laundry (don't even get me started on that nightmare!) as I am about cooking and writing?

**Side note-I swear if one more kid comes out here with one more stupid excuse for being out of bed I might scream!! Hey Olivia, I don't care that there is something gray on your thumb. It's called DIRT! Try washing your grimy little toddler hands every now and then!**

Sorry about that. I've been on edge all day. We had an "incident" last night that upset me terribly and it seems to be carrying over into every other area of my life today.

Family drama aside...let's get down to business before I come up with a million other excuses to put off mustering some Willpower tonight! Tonight I am going to do a bit of an experiment. I'm making a cheesecake, with no guidance from a recipe [*gasps in horror*].

I lie.

I am going to use part of a recipe for the crust.

Well, you know what?

No I'm not.

In addition to be on edge and in a bizarre mood today, I am also flighty and inconsistent. This could be interesting!!! I am going to do a little internet research to make sure that I cook the cheesecake for the appropriate time, but other than that, we're winging it!! I'll be back to report in a couple of hours!

Oh yeah...in case you're wondering what chicken looks like on the grill when you have absolutely NO idea how to cook it:

In case you're wondering if it gets blacker, IT DOES. That WAS going to be my healthy yeast-free dinner tonight. Instead, it was this:

In case you're wondering, that is NOT yeast-free.

P.I.N.T

My day in Post Its

Oh yeah...I now have my own Twitter account for this blog. So if you're on Twitter you can find me as livingyeastfree!

That same old vicious cycle

Am I ever going to be able to go more than 6 weeks making the right food choices? Yes, this is YET ANOTHER admission that I failed today. And yesterday. And the day before. And before that...you know how it goes. I could beat myself up on here and feel sorry for myself. But I will keep all the guilt and blame to myself for now and just tell you about the good choices I DID make today. There were two.

#1. Sticking to the roast, carrots and potatoes for dinner.

#2. At the advice of my chiropractor, I have begun drinking Sleepy Time Tea and instead of putting sugar in it, I used a packet of Stevia.

Sadly, that's my list for today. The infuriating thing is that I took my yeast-free Apple Cinnamon Muffins to work this morning; yet I allowed Tony's Donuts to tempt me simply because I had cash and that Blueberry Donut just sounded so good. WHY????

Determined...

This week WILL be different. At the very least...dinner will be different (baby steps right?). I went shopping tonight and am *mostly* ready for a week of yeast-free dinners.

Life As Mom has had some great posts recently about freezer cooking. For once, I didn't just read about it and think "I'd like to try that sometime" and then never get around to it. I actually did it! I froze pork, chicken for two meals and steaks in their own marinades. AND...while I was at it, I got a roast, potatoes and carrots ready in the crock pot for dinner tomorrow night. It's those things that make me feel really good about myself and the future of being successful and making the right, good decisions.

Unfortunately, I was out of energy and motivation by the time I finished all of that to make anything for desserts or snacks throughout the week. Maybe tomorrow night? On the bright side, I still have 8 Cinnamon Apple Muffins left from my baking session Thursday night. I've frozen them, 2 per bag and just thaw them out the night before so that I am prepared for breakfast and can eat those instead of caving to the McD's bacon, egg and cheese biscuit that always calls out to me. I WILL make another batch of those this week sometime, but I haven't decided what I will use in place of the apple. I am contemplating pumpkin. I did buy bananas today though so if they are over-ripe by the end of the week I may go for banana/walnut instead.

I'm just going to obsess here for a moment. I love, Love, LOVE Pampered Chef seasonings and rubs. Does anyone else out there use these? I used the last of my Sweet & Smokey Barbecue Rub tonight in a chicken marinade and am almost out of my Italian Seasoning. These rubs and seasonings have the perfect amount (and combination of) flavors. The Pampered Chef has THE BEST Peppercorn & Garlic Rub. It is awesome on steaks and roasts. I was pretty bummed that I was out of that one when I went to prepare tomorrow night's roast. I suppose it's time to place another order. Oh yeah...in addition to the seasonings, if you have not tried the Garlic-Infused Canola Oil, I cannot say ENOUGH good things! I cannot live without this! And while I can't 'advertise' here on my blog, I know someone that can get you your own Pampered Chef seasonings and rubs. Just email me if you are interested...love2cook05(at)gmail(dot)com. You won't regret it!

Leftover muffins?

...GOOD!

I enjoyed 1 1/2 Apple Cinnamon Muffins this morning for breakfast. All of my kids (except Abbey) tried them and loved them! And if my son liked them, who is almost as picky as his father anyone, then they MUST be good! Abbey wasn't opposed to trying them...she just wasn't in the room when I ate them. When she found out she missed out, she was a little sad. But I still have 12 in the freezer so she'll have another opportunity. I think I will make pumpkin next, or some with grain-sweetened chocolate chips.

I started my own little 'meme' on my other blog, so I thought I would participate in Friday Follow here on this one. So if you came here through Friday Follow, WELCOME! I'm glad your here.

Here is what you will NOT find here:

*Someone who always makes the right choices ALL THE TIME.

*Someone who makes the right choices MOST of the time.

*A tall thin girl who NEVER struggles with weight, no matter what she does.

*Someone who goes to the gym religiously and works out long and hard until her body is perfectly toned.

What you will find is this:

*An imperfect girl (woman sounds old-I'll forever be 29 no matter how many years pass me by!) who struggles with her weight.

*Someone who adores chocolate and desserts and has a hard time saying "No" to them.

*Someone who is in desperate need of the only One who can give provide what she needs to make the right choices.

*Someone who makes the wrong choice on an almost daily basis.

Can anyone else relate to that? God never promised us that life was going to be easy. It is most definitely anything BUT easy! It is in our nature to gratify ourselves and do what we want, when we want, to whatever excess we want. I'm like the Apostle Paul. Anyone else feel like Paul did in Romans 7:14-25?

"14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin." Bible Gateway

Some days I feel like I will never get it right. And then I am reminded that on my own, I WILL NEVER GET IT RIGHT. It is only by trusting in and depending on God that I CAN DO ALL THINGS. How often I forget that!!

Apple Cinnamon Muffins

I decided to give the muffins another shot. This time, I was equipped with a few ideas and made a few alterations to the recipe.

First things first, I used my wonderful Apple/Peeler/Corer/Slicer to make quick work of my apple! This small/medium sized apple was just about one cup. I peeled, sliced and cored it and set it aside.

After chopping it:

Next I put 2 large eggs, almost 1/2 cup of agave nectar, 2 tsp. vanilla, and a stick of melted butter in a small bowl and whisked them all up.

I had thought/hoped that in doing this it would all mix up smoother.

In my awesome Kitchenaid Mixer, I put 3 cups of almond meal (this time instead of Bob's Red Mill I used "Simply Almond Meal" from Trader Joes. I added 1 tsp. of baking soda and after I mixed the liquid ingredients in, I decided to go ahead and add 1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce.

After it was mixed well, I added my chopped apple and 1 tsp. Cinnamon Plus Spice Blend from The Pampered Chef. LOVE that spice!

Here is the finished product! They LOOK good...

I was scared to taste these after tasting the Blueberry ones I attempted last night. But these were moist and almost delicious! I say almost. The only thing that would have made these better is if they had been a little sweeter. They were definitely sweeter than last night's that will probably not get eaten. But they just seemed like they needed a little bit more. But the apples and cinnamon paired with the almond meal was great! And the texture was wonderful too. I hope that they will freeze well. Oh I also thought while eating it that they would taste even better with walnuts.

Oh by the way, this ISN'T one of those fancy, perfect photo food blogs. These pictures are un-doctored and as good as they get! The turnout of this second batch gives me confidence that I will perfect this! And I know that even as they are now, my kids will love them. They are yeast-free and soy bean oil free so my whole family can enjoy them.

Wow!

It worked!! The lotion worked!!!

I'm in shock and very excited about this. I actually tested the lotion last night before bed. It has a light, fresh scent. This morning I scooped some out into a little prep bowl so I could take it to work with me. About 2/3 of the way down there was still some liquid that hadn't quite solidified; I think this was primarily due to the fact that I had it in a tall jar and it just needed longer to set up all the way. I have a feeling I will be making another batch tonight with a different combination of oils.

I let my girls try some this morning and they loved it. I can't wait to make some more!

Willpower Wednesday

I spent the last hour trying to improve my banner for Willpower Wednesday instead of writing about what I did tonight!! And I still don't have a banner that I am satisfied with.

I'll have to keep this short since it is past my bedtime!

I actually accomplished two things I had wanted to accomplish tonight.

I did make the Almond Blueberry Muffins I wrote about last week. First things first, they were nowhere near as sweet as I would have liked.

Second, I am not sure I will EVER get used to the texture of gluten-free muffins/breads. This makes me sad. It makes me want to break out a box of Betty Crocker Blueberry Muffins!!

As far as the recipe is concerned, it was actually really easy to prepare. The flavor was good. The almond flour gave it a very 'nutty' flavor (which I actually enjoyed) and I actually added 1 tsp. almond extract instead of the second teaspoon of vanilla. I also used about 1/4 cup of agave nectar instead of the honey. I ran out of almond flour and had to substitute 1/2 cup sorghum flour to get to a full 3 cups of flour. I don't think that made a great difference in the taste or texture though. Maybe if I tried adding some applesauce to give the muffins a bit more moisture it would help. I don't know. I need to email my friend Sarah, as she is the one who posted the recipe and has made these on more than one occasion. She mentions that you can used chopped apples and cinnamon, so maybe next week I will try them and add the applesauce in then.

Now, let's talk about something completely NOT food related. And that is LOTION. I finally got to make the lotion I have been so eager to try. You can find the recipe here. I kid you not-this was one of the easiest things I have ever made!! I am really, REALLY hoping that it solidifies like it is supposed to. Right now it is cooling in my fancy spaghetti sauce jar! Yeah, we are extremely sophisticated around here. I've been wanting to buy some mason jars but haven't had the money a chance to get them yet. So I had to make due with what I had. Who cares what it is in as long as it works right??? Well, I suppose I'll find out in the morning. Until then, here is a picture of my very chic and fancy container for my lotion. Oh, I almost forgot. I used about 30 drops of lavender essential oil and about 10 drops of cedarwood essential oil. I know the recipe calls for less but I accidentally put about 30 drops of lavender in before I realized I had put too many in. So we'll see how it turns out. If it works, I am going to try to recreate my favorite Bath & Body Works scent-orange ginger. I should also mention that this jar is a 21 oz. jar and as you can see, it is almost half full.

A cry for help-in the form of post its!